Monsters taste like...

My son is scared of the dark.  He's scared monsters will come out and eat parts of him (like his ears).  It's a normal stage of development.

I don't like telling him that monsters aren't real, because to him, they are.  No amount of me tellng him that will change that reality for him.  I also don't want to tell him that real monsters are people who are very, very bad.  He's too young to be burdened with that.  I've heard of "Monster Be Gone" sprays, but I really would prefer the idea of him not being afraid of monsters rather than him just being 'protected' against them.

So... what do I tell him?

I tell him that there are no monsters in our apartment because Mommy eats monsters.
Yes... I eat monsters.  I like to eat monsters.  They are nummy.  Monsters taste like chocolate and chocolate is full of yums.

Here's the run down so far:
  * Zombies taste like shrimp; I cut them up and stirfry them with mushrooms and garlic.
  * Monsters taste like chocolate (which we just covered above).
  * Ghosts taste like whipped cream.
  * Vampires taste like coconuts.
  * Skeletons taste like candy canes.  (And I make ice cream sundays out of monsters, vampires, skeletons and ghosts because that is just the best.)
  * Aliens taste like lemonade, and I make smoothies out of them.
  * Evil Robots are taken apart to use as cooking pans and such.

I also sit in scary trees to hunt those creatures.  I like creepy old houses, because that's where those creatures like to go.  Mommy is one hungry lady.

I'd love to hear how other parents handle this sort of situation or how their parents did.  :-)